Thursday, August 10, 2006

If You Can't Stand The Heat, Don't Flood The House Then Get The Insurance Company To Call These Guys

The HDE's finally declared la Maison Stevie to be moisture free this morning and switched off their fans and dehumidifiers prior to removing them. I immediately opened all the windows and the back door and was pinned to the screendoor as a swash of superheated air burst from the kitchen, followed by a cooling mistral as the house resyncronized it's internal weather system with that outside.

All my mouldings have come off the walls on account of the glue being superheated and dessicated and the mouldings themselves changing dimensions as any hint of moisture was torn from their molecular lattice. My latest copy of Asimov's Magazine has delaminated into individual pages since the inside temperature long ago exceeded the melting point of the binding glue. On the plus side, no mould.

It is quite novel now to turn on the cold tap and actually get cold water from it. For the last four days the pipes have been so warm the water needed to run for several seconds before it was cool. Even the drinking water faucet was compromised since the filter cylinder represents a hefty thermal reservoir. Pouring water over ice often resulted in icy shrapnel exploding from the glass and the simple act of taking medications required laboratory grade safety glasses. I almost miss the howling gale produced by the fans that meant anything lighter than your average DVD had to be anchored down with a DVD or be blown all over the house a-la tumbleweed.

All that remains to be done before we get in the builders is to clean up all the cacti and cattle skulls dotting the living room.

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