Friday, April 13, 2007

Sometimes They Don't Cause The Problem, They Just Host It When It Happens

This morning I awoke to find my right ear blocked and whistling away. That makes about four weeks I had with both ears "working" before one packed up again. Great start to the day, no? It got better

I got on my train and sat in a two-seat "bench" facing another at the very front of the train. I took the window seat facing the rear of the train. A few minutes later a young chap got on and sat "kitty corner" in the opposite bench seat, taking the aisle seat facing forward.

Now I've mentioned before that the newest trains to be added to the LIRR fleet were apparently designed to seat Japanese schoolchildren under the age of 10, and that when two adults sit side by side the accomodations are cramped since each will be trying to take up one and a bit seats. What happened in Mineola showcased this issue in cinemascope.

A woman with the widest backside I have seen in a very long time got on the train and approached my seat. She turned and, to my amazement and the young guy's laughter proceeded first to sit on top of me, then by wiggling her fat arse from side to side to shoehorn herself into the seat. Well, I say "into the seat" but there were still significant amounts of me trapped between the vinyl and her denim pants. I thought the guy opposite would actually have a siezure he was laughing so hard.

I finally yelled "Girl, I got no more room to give you!" at which point she abandoned her attempt to squash me like a bug and retreated without a word of appology to stand in the accessway.

No sooner had she got up than another woman sat down with no problem, this new neighbour having less generous helpings of hips and mine having just been crushed to about half their usual width. This caused the previous would-be occupant of the seat to glare.

At me.

No comments: