Monday, May 07, 2007

Progress, Of Sorts, On New Bog

This weekend I finally figured out how I was going to apply fiberglass insulation behind the pipes of water delivery and drainage, and so I once more took up my trusty tools and resumed working on New Bog (a project largely moribund for three months, abandoned in favour of sitting on the sofa and shouting at everyone). With the fiberglass in place I did a bit more amateur electrickery, then cut and applied the various bits of 3/8ths sheetrock that will provide the furring that will bring the greenboard sheetrock wall out to the same level as the Genaro-era tile wall.

Apart from accidentally running the spiral saw into a perfectly good greenboard and inflicting some unwanted but superficial damage on it, nothing untoward happened to me, and as a result this posting perhaps lacks a certain je ne sais quois. I can't help that; I refuse to make up stuff simply to sate the jaded appetites my readers1 have for incidental stab wounds and impromptu electricution.

It's not as if I wasn't trying either. In between working on the bathroom I fitted in a number of "quick" jobs that all had plenty of potential. On Saturday I vacuumed and shredded all the leaves that had wintered around my swimming pool. Since I still cannot locate the leaf bag for the leaf blower/vacuum/shredder, I was forced to deploy it in a most promising configuration in which the leaves or whatever else got sucked up the snout of the vacuum would simply exit through one of the blower tubes at about mach 4. Shredded leaves would simply disperse over the lawn, but the vaccum is strong enough to pick up a number of other items. Even so, I finished the job unhurt. No rock was picked up, accellerated to hypersonic velocity then hurled against the siding to riccochet against soft tissue or hard bone. Even the little present some cat had left was spotted in time to avoid a messy debacle.

Then I decided to syphon the stinking green mess2 from the pool cover in order that the damn thing might actually dry off enough to be removeable. True, there was some slight splashing from the run-off, which has about a two-foot drop to the ground from the syphon pipe, but at no time were my shoes filled with green slime. Go figger.

I removed the glass from the rear strorm door and replaced it with a bug screen but didn't drop the glass or put my arm through the screen. I inflated the tyres on Mrs Stevie's bike and that of the Stevieling. Four tyres, 50 lbs per squin apiece, in close quarters too yet no exploding innertube ruptured the Steviedrums, newly free from wax after Doc teaspoon's ministrations.

It was, all in all, a bafflingly safe weekend.

It might have had something to do with the fact that for 90% or the time I was alone in the house. Mrs Stevie took the Stevieling and three of her pals to some kid-mecca in which for the cost of a small framily sedan children may climb rock walls, ride roller coasters, hold laser duels, play video games and generally avoid having any sort of learning experience whatsoever. They went out a 9 am and returned after 11 pm, and thus I was given a glance, just a glance, of what paradise must be like. On Sunday they decamped for organised religion and after they went for bike rides.

Now I'm a natural sceptic and give no credence to the theory that women somehow cause "bad luck". Sailors believe in that sort of thing, but then again, sailors believe in mermaids, tattoos, rum and something called a "hornpipe". Clearly their judgement cannot be relied upon. No, I believe a man makes his own luck. It is, however, entirely credible that the women of my household form some sort of negativity focus which draws malign anti-handyman spirits which in turn make stuff go wrong.

The facts speak for themselves.

  1. All four of 'em
  2. Steep several pounds of dried maple leaves in water over the winter. Drain periodically and allow rain to re-innundate. When water turns green, syphon into a tureen. Serves 12
  3. The original version of this post was much better, but just as I was finishing up I accidentally brushed the ESCAPE key and the bloody browser threw the entire thing away. Now that's good design

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think it must be five readers now. I introduced my wife to the blog. She reckons that in about 10 years I'll be a carbon copy of you.

Jrs

Stevie said...

Something to be anticipated with much anticipation.