I just received an email and a text (formatted as a slide show for reasons I can't begin to fathom). They are identical in content, which reads:
I wish I could invent stuff half this good.
I wish I didn't have to ride the Bloody Long Island Railroad even more. Fortunately, the said mass-transit joke is working tirelessly to reduce the incidence of trains to help me reach that goal.
My day has been so full that I shall now be forced into traveling into Penn Station, there to catch the late late late or possibly the late late late late, depending on how late the subway system is running.