Me: I don't want to set the world on fire ...
Policeman : Then why are you carrying two five gallon cans of regular unleaded gasoline, a box of Bengal matches, two roadside flares, a box of firelighters, a can of "Barbercrude" all-weather barbecue starter, a seven pack of Bic cigarette lighters and a Zippo?
Me: I'm going to mow my lawn, then indulge myself in a spot of outdoor cookery.
Policeman : Looks like rain ...
Me: I'm English. We don't fear rain. A true Englishman doesn't tan, he rusts.
Policeman : And the flares?
Me: I'm not a slave to fashion.