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In breaking news yesterday the NYPD started a radiation sweep to determine background levels for some purpose probably having to do with the war on terror. They found a park in Staten Island which had very high levels of radium contamination hitherto unsuspected¹, left over from some dumping operation (Staten Island is essentially one big landfill which explains why their periodic threats to secede from NYC are treated with humour instead of the vicious reprisals such lack of loyalty demand).

Speaking for myself I find great comfort in finally being able to breathe easier knowing as I now do that were a 'dirty bomb' to go off in NYC, chances are no-one would be able to tell the difference.

Of course, this represents the most awful PR disaster for Mayor Bloomberg. If he had been on the ball and in the know, he could have tipped off the President years ago and the search for WMD could have come up with a result which didn't require all that mucking about in Johnny Arabland. The troops could have been sent to La Guardia for a fraction of the cost of a trip to Bagdhad, and could have taken in a performance of "Phantom" before their triumphant return home to Washington DC bearing "Mission Accomplished" pennants.

To those who object to the jocular comparison of a legendarily run-down, cratered, un-navigable, war-torn flea-infested pestilential stench-hole with a hub of international travel I say "Well, I don't suppose Baghdad is very nice now either".

1: except by the fire department who apparently knew all along but weren't telling anyone not wearing big yellow rubber boots according to the rather confused report I saw last night.²
2: This, more than anything, highlights the importance of having good relations with your fire department. Be nice to your firemen, lest they hide all the really good radium contaminated waste. Words to live by.