Thursday, February 08, 2007

Eternal Verities and Axioms To Live By

"Thou mayest ryghtfully rejoyce yn the sheer spyffyness of thy new Black and Decker Workmate1, but surely as thee day ys long you are yn for gloomy sadness yn ye long run. For though ye tool ytself be veryly long-livéd and wyll serve lo an score of years ande more (e'en though thou mayest occasionally take an byte owt of ye jaws with an circular saw, glue thyngs toe yt by mystayke, spyll volatyle solvents o'er yt ande thenne sette fyre toe yt), Black and Decker selleth notte thee rubber feete for yt as an seperate ytem. By thee vexatious rockyng of yt may thou knowest yt is tyme for an major owtlaye of ye fundes for an newe wone."

Cotton Mather, Ye Boyes Almanakke of Tooles pub. Salem 1682

This is the truest thing I ever read.

Update, 12/13/07

Or not.
Everything in this post has since been discovered to be the most utter tripe unbacked by any sort of fact whatsoever, other than the assertion on the general usefulness of the Workmate, which I stand by.
Black and Decker make many spare parts for the Workmate and they can be obtained from any of the Black and Decker Service Centers dotted around the place. The Black and Decker Website even has a page that will help you find a service center in the USA.

  1. Arguably the most useful tool ever to have been conceived of in the history of the human race

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know! I know! I've had to fabricate new feet out of plastic tubes (don't ask). And you forgot to mention the little blue stops that fall out every time you deploy it, because plastic fatigue has eroded their elasticity.

Gil

And the comment about BT's jpg filter was me, too.

Stevie said...

'Lo Gil. If you mean the jaw-dogs, I can get replacements for you if you want. They are orange now though (perfect for Dunx).