Thursday, October 04, 2007

Wildlife Is For The Birds

This morning I decided I hate Rats-with-Wings.

I have been forced into using the West-end parking lot at Wyandanch LIRR stations for the last couple of weeks due to the recent demigration of the Rich Gits, who take up all the available parking spaces in the nearer main car park with their Osamamobiles. This brings with it a problem that has served to significantly alter my stance vis-a-vis cruelty to certain types of animal. I speak of Crows and Seagulls, whose purpose in the grand scheme is to be flying garbage eating and garbage crapping machines.

The problem arises because on both sides of the car park1 there are power lines suspended over the parking spaces. There are also a number of food-based businesses in the immediate area, with dumpsters behind them. There is also a municipal dump within two flaps of a gull's wings.

The bloody gulls and crows spend all day gorging on leftover garbage of whatever consistency, then pass it through their digestive tracts where small bits of gravel are incorporated into the final result, which is dropped all over my fbleeping car. On Tuesday things reached the point of there being birdsbleept in my car's door handles, so I was forced to wash the damn car when I got home.

That's right.

I went out in the pitch darkness and washed my car. Yes, I had to use a flashlight to periodically check I had got the birdsbleept off the paint, not a foregone conclusion of merely scrubbing the car with warm soapy water and a soft sponge because the material sets like fbleeping concrete and always leaves a gritty core behind when washed off. I have permanent damage to the paint on the roof due to these fbleeping birds and if I could get my hands on them I would wring every one of their scrawny, garbage-guzzling necks. Slowly.

Last night, I got back to my car very late at night. the carpark, for all its power cables has no actual lighting in it, so it was by sheer chance that I avoided putting my hand in the huge pile some gull had left right in the middle of my trunk lid, where I would put my hand to close it, so this morning I was washing the car again before setting out.

If anyone were to offer some sort of bird-sensing automatic laser death ray I swear I'd buy and install it tomorrow and damn the cost.

Fbleeping vermin.

  1. which has only a front and back rank of parking spaces

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